Jayan had another good day yesterday. He's maintaining 21% on his vent which is pretty much considered "room air" like what you and I breathe. This is really good.

It does look like his PDA is open again. They did tell us that there was a good chance of this happening. This time I think they might actually handle it with a small surgery that will close it for good. With this, his lungs should also improve and not have so much fluid in them.

Yesterday I got to hold Jay for about an hour and half. It was awesome. He's still doing really well on the new vent. Mostly having spells when they have to touch him or take blood for the blood gas.

Last night he was doing really well and was pretty much breathing room air by the time I left. One set back is that is looks like his PDA might have reopened. I am waiting to find out the result of last nights Echo but they are pretty sure it's a small hole. This will either be treated with another round of medication or with surgery.

Whatever the case may be we just hope it gets resolved. Between that and some issues with his tummy they have yet to start feeding him milk.

Jay's back on the conventional ventilator!!!!! And all his blood gas tests are coming back good which means that he's adjusting back just fine. I'm so proud of him.

They are still waiting to start feeding him through the tube. Hopefully that will be resolved soon. But today is all in all a good day!

Today we got some really good news. They've been turning the settings down on the oscillating ventilator and Jayan's been remaining stable and his blood gas tests have been consistently good. This means that he may be able to switch back to the conventional respirator as early as tomorrow!

In other news they've got my milk ready to go and if all goes well they may also start feeing him in the next few days. We just need to get him weaned back to the conventional respirator.

This morning I talked to one of his doctors as they were making their rounds. I was told that they have a lot of hope for my son because he is very feisty and has so much energy. This is actually something that worried us because he seems too unsettled sometimes. But the nurses and doctors tell me this is what they want to see. When I left tonight he was sleeping and stable.

Thank you to everyone for keeping Jayan in your prayers.

We think alike :)

Pillow made by Anisha

Y

On the Oscillating Ventilator

Baby's First Christmas

Yesterday Jay had a fairly good day. He was a little restless in the day and even in the evening I went to see him. But all in all they say he's doing ok. His lungs are improving. Even if it's a little I'm happy. Anything is progress to me and as long as it's one step closer to getting him off the oscillating ventilator I'll be happy.

Today I went to the hospital three times. It was Christmas afterall and I knew it was going to be a hard day for me with him in there. I always feel at peace when I'm with him so I figured that's where I'd spend my day. When I got there in the morning I teared up a little and his nurse totally made me feel better. Joe and I went back in the afternoon, I took homemade cookies for the NICU staff. I figured it was the least I could do. Joe and I both had cards for the baby. The funny thing is that we both bought our cards on our own at different times but we ended up buying him the EXACT same card.

This evening I went back with Meena who gave him a Teddy bear and Kanaka who got to see her beautiful quilt that Jay has over his isolet. Jay's had two days of spending time with his family and that makes me so happy. This evening the baby was very peaceful and sleeping comfortably. Nothing makes us happier than seeing him sleeping peacefully. They said he's been really good and his blood gas tests have been coming back fine which means they don't have to adjust his machines.

Jayan got a lot of wonderful Christmas gifts. One very special gift is a pillow made by his Aunty Anisha who at 13 years old decided she would sew something for her little nephew by hand. We also have a total of 6 Baby's first Christmas ornaments and I can not wait until next year to see them on the tree. Our son is so lucky and loved.

My Dad's been cooking for us so much and organizing food with my other Aunts and family friends. We are so grateful for this because cooking is the last thing on our minds these days and it has been one thing we have not had to worry about. I'm so glad my husband enjoys Sri Lankan food. :) Thank you to everyone who has been feeding us.

Merry Christmas sweet baby boy. You truly are our little miracle and we love you so much.

The little man is pretty much settled in his new place. When we saw him this afternoon he seemed very peaceful. They've been doing a blood gas on him a few times a day just to make sure he's at the right levels and so far they seem to be happy with where he is at.

I just came from seeing him tonight. And the nurse that was on duty seemed to adore him. She asked me if she could be assigned to him whenever she is working. I think this is great. It will be one stable person constantly around him and that makes me happy.

The old hospital was a lot smaller and easier to navigate around in. This place is much bigger. I think Jay and Dad have adjusted to him being there. Mom is taking a while longer but getting there.

They told me from the day that I gave birth that there would be good days and bad days. Today was a tough day for us. The NICU doctor at CHOC Mission Hospital (CHOC=Children's Hospital Orange County) decided it might be best to transfer Jay to the main CHOC hospital in Orange. It's much bigger and has a more specialized staff.

I was in tears pretty much the whole day. I was so glad Joe was with me I don't think I could have made it through this day alone. Once we consented to the transfer, Jay was transported in a special CHOC vehicle that had a doctor, two nurses and a respiratory therapist. So he was in good hands.

Once he was at the new hospital they had him stabilized pretty quickly. He even has his own little room. By the time we left his side he seemed very peaceful which made us happy.

Right now our goal is for his lungs to improve. And to get him off the oscillating ventilator. We appreciate all of you keeping Jay in your prayers.

Yesterday they put Jay on an oscillating ventilator. Since he'd had a few bad nights in a row they decided to try him back on this to help open up his lungs. So far he seems to be doing really well on it.

He also had another head ultrasound and the early results of that look good. We should get the official results back today.

They have also put a feeding tube in for him to start my milk but they will probably wait until he's back on the regular ventilator to start that.

Our precious baby boy is two weeks old. We love you so much Jayan.

For some reason Jay's picc line came out last night. This is frustrating because it swelled up his little arm and now they have to try and place the picc line in him again. It's basically his main IV.
So the early part of the day was a bit restless but by this evening he had settled back down. The swelling on his arm also seems to have gone down since this morning.

I'm truly trying to get on a pumping schedule every three hours. It's hard, especially at night. But I have to do it for the little guy.

The PDA is closed!!!! There's always a chance it can reopen but I'm going to go ahead and celebrate this as a victory.

Jayan had a good day today. When I left him tonight he was sleeping peacefully. Today I got to change his diaper and check his temperature. He is just like me and does not like being disturbed when he's sleeping.

Kangaroo Care *love*

When I got to the hospital this evening the nurse on duty asked me if I'd gotten a chance to do skin on skin with Jayan. This is something I thought wouldn't happen for at least another few weeks. But she said he was doing well and that it would probably be good for both of us. It was good for me that is for sure.

So I changed into a gown and held him on my chest for ONE HOUR. It was so great feeling him against me. Talk about therapy.

In other good news he's done with all three doses of the Indocin. The preliminary echos from this morning show the PDA closed. But we still have to wait until tomorrow to find out for sure. I'm praying so hard that it is in fact closed so that he can begin my milk.

My Dad came by to visit as did my friend Stephannie who brought us our first ornanament and happened to have a camera and got some pics of me holding the baby.

Jayan's on his second dose of Indocin. According to the docs his first round seemed to go well so they started round 2 today. If everything goes good with this round 3 will be tomorrow. And then they will check to see if the PDA has improved.

I'm praying so hard it will. He's also been more dependent on the ventilator but the nurse assured me that this would go up and down right now. The most important thing is that he is stable.

When I saw him this morning he was on his tummy. He seems to do really well on his tummy. The nurses told me it's actually better for him as he's more "cozy" and less likely to move his arms and squirm. It also opens up his lungs.

This evening Joe and I went to see him and he seemed pretty peaceful. I always feel so guilty leaving him.

In the mail this weekend Jay received the most beautiful gift. A home made quilt from his Aunty Kanaka. It will be used in the NICU. Such a beautiful gift. Y

Today they started the Indocin medicine to close the PDA. If all goes well Jayan will be able to start on my milk once the treatment is over. This will hopefully be at the end of the week.

He had a busy day today with quite a bit of testing. But the evening and night should be very mellow. It's so nice to see him without all those bright lights. It seems so much more peaceful for him.

Mommy and Daddy are tired today. But very proud of their little son.

I held my baby boy today!!!

This morning my Dad and I went to visit Jay. He was a little restless but overall doing well.

They told me that they would be changing him out of his bed today and that I might have a chance to hold him. So I called later and they told me that it would for sure happen in the evening.

So I didn't go back tonight until about 9pm. They were warming up his new bed and he looked very peaceful. Jay was without his headbandage for the first time because they were able to remove his jaundice lights. So now he sleeps in his little bed with a little quilt over the cover of his bed. Nice and dark and comfortable.

The change over went really well and he handled it smoothly. Getting to hold him was so awesome. He has the sweetest little eyes and for the first time I was able to see his little eyelashes. That was the best medicine anyone could give me.

One thing I forgot to mention in the last post was the overwhelming support I have received from friends all over the country. Some I have never met but have known for years. You all mean so much to me and I hold you close to my heart. Thank you for all your prayers and kindness. The night Jay was born people from all over were pulling for him. I don't know where we would be without all of these prayers. Truly amazing.

OUR SON HAS ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!!!

My body and the little bean were not cooperating with each other. On December 6th I had a routine doctor's appt with my perinatologist Dr. Pan. I actually had the day off. And other than going to Subway for a veggie sandwich I did nothing but lay on the couch all day until my appt. at 2pm.

The funny thing is the baby had been pretty active the days before this and on this day I didn't feel it much. I was also amazed with how much I slept. I slept and slept. It was odd. I just figured I was tired.

I got to my appointment early and even sat in the lobby for a few minutes to calm myself in hopes of a decent blood pressure reading. When they took my BP it was 234/130. CRAZY HIGH. And remember I am almost maxed out on my meds. Dr. Pan did a sonogram and she said that it looked like the baby was not getting what it needed as the placenta was cutting off. In addition to this according to my urine tests my kidney and liver were starting to shut down.

The next thing I knew I was driving home in tears calling Joe and my Dad and telling them the baby is coming tomorrow. At 25 weeks.
My Dad picked me up at home and we picked up Joe at work and headed to the hospital to get checked in. My C-Section was scheduled for 4:3opm the next day. By 7pm I was settled in my hospital room. Tasha and Rob came by to see us. They had a fold out bed for Joe so he could sleep next to me. My Dad left and would be back for the C-section the next day.

Somewhere around 10:30pm I had an oxygen mask on my face and three nurses around me. I guess they had dropped my blood pressure so much that the baby didn't know what to do because it was so used to living with my high blood pressure. So it's heart rate dropped. At this point the nurses called Dr. Pan who deceided she would deliver the baby NOW. Dr. Posner the other perninatologist would also be there.

At this point they started prepping me for my C-Section. And I started to get scared. The bean is so little. I just want it to be ok. Joe called my Dad and told him what was going on so he could come back to the hospital. Just a bit later I was being wheeled to an operating room. They gave me an epidural to numb me from the waist down. It wasn't a very pleasant feeling but I was fine once it was in. Then I laid back down. They were playing Christmas music in the background. And I felt a small sense of calm. I was in and out and a little loopy.

The whole thing was about 30-40 minutes. I just remember a NICU doctor telling me MY SON came out breathing on his own and he was being rushed to the NICU. At that point I think Joe went up to the NICU and I was wheeled into recovery. Our baby was born at 12:12am on December 7, 2007. He was 1 pound 7 oz and exactly 12 inches long.

By 4am they moved me from the recovery room back to my hospital room.  I dozed off  from then to about 7am. By about 8am I realized I  better make some phone calls. I sent a bulk text message it just seemed easier at the time.

"JAY KUMARAN SCHMETZER, who will lovingly be known as Jayan by his mom."

That morning there were a lot of visitors. My Dad and Laurina came. Everything was just surreal. I wasn't able to grasp all of it just yet. That afternoon they moved me to my new room and in doing so wheeled me up to the NICU to see the baby. My beautiful child was so small and tiny and fragile. But he was beautiful and he was mine. That evening my Dad came with Aunty Yaso, Uncle Sara, Siva Chithapa, Saro Mamy and Lalini Acca. It was nice to see them and as they left Aurelia and Anthony came.

On Saturday Kristen visited as did Vicky and Tom. Dharshi Acca, Yoga Anna, and Anisha also showed up. That night they gave me something to help me sleep. On Sunday Yvette, Angie, and Sharon came. My Dad and Satchi Chithapa also came. He brought yummy food from Lalini Acca.

By Monday I could feel myself getting depressed. The reality of everything was setting in. The baby, Joe, me, Insurance.... everything just seemed overwhelming. I felt so alone. But somehow when I went up to see the baby it all seemed to go away. Aunty Yaso and Aunty Komala also paid me a visit and honestly their timing couldn't have been better. I needed some sort of maternal figure to tell me that everything was going to be ok and that I was going to make it through this. And they did just that. That night Tasha, Rob, Kris, my Dad, and Joe were all with me. But I just wanted to get out of that room. I couldn't take another night in that bed.

By Tuesday I was so ready to go. It was probably the worst day. But before we left I spent a few hours in the NICU. I even got to help change Jayan's diaper. When I got home I had so many emotions inside of me. I just wanted to cry. I left my little child in the NICU to fight for himself. It just didn't seem right. I cried and cried that night. It needed to happen. I don't know if that was my bout with postpartum but it felt odd. Aunty Yaso came by with food and it was good to have her there. As soon as she left I could feel the sadness come back again. It didn't feel like me. I didn't sleep that night. All I could do was think of my son.

On Wednesday a friend picked me up and we went to the hospital so I could see the baby. We sat there for sometime by his side just talking quietly and looking at him. It felt so nice to be near him. That night we went back with my Dad and Laurina.

Thursday I went to see the baby in the morning on my own. I don't think I'm supposed to be driving but I needed to see my child. And then I went again in the evening.

Friday I set the alarm for 5am because I decided it was time to get on a pumping schedule. I woke up and pumped. And then spent the whole morning next to my son. I went back again in the evening. Today he got a picc line which means they could pull the IV out of his umbilical cord. He also got another echo on his heart and it looks like the tiny hole might be closing on it's own!!

SO here we are. Jayan is one week old. I never knew I could love something so much. It's unexplainable. He's in my thoughts all the time and I long for the day I can hold him and tell him how much I love him. These next few long weeks will teach me patience. Up until now no one could really teach it to me. But this little person who came from inside of me is going to teach me so many things. I just know it.
I love you so much Jayan. You are my little fighter.

Well I got hospitalized again on Wednesday. This time overnight at Mission Hospital. It wasn't pleasant but they did get my blood pressure stabilized. I really don't know what's causing it to be so bad. My meds are almost maxed and I really am eating well and resting. It is very frustrating.

I am happy with Mission Hospital and I'm glad that is where I will be delivering.

Tonight I had my family over for dinner. I really didn't even do much but it was nice to be around everyone.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch.